Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Mon Jun 26, 2006 at 12:09:13 am EDT
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Part 3 of the Chad & Ronnie Murder Mystery, with lots of Guest Stars!
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Read Part one Here, then read Part two Here then read this part, it might make slightly more sense if you do.

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The Apartment shared by Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy & Chadwick L. Swiss. Night time. Ronnie & his ex-girlfriend, Jane Tarzania, are sitting on the couch looking over the info that obtained from Mr. Know It All.

"It looks like Chad did kill those people" Jane said sadly.

Ronnie didn't reply. He was concentrating on the photos before. Jane waited a minute or two, then said the same thing again.

"What?" Ronnie replied.

"I said it looks like Chad did it."

"It does. But, he didn't."

"How do you know?"

"There are a few to many things wrong for it to be Chad." Ronnie said as he stood up & put on his bright yellow trench coat.

"Where are we going now?" Jane asked.

"To visit the Nocturnal Nurse!"

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Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital
An Hour or so later.

Grace O' Mercy was sitting in the cafeteria. She was on break.

Just then, in through the double doors at the far end, a familiar face ended the room. He was with someone she didn't recognize, it was probably the ex-girlfriend he's always taking about.

Once Ronnie & Jane were close enough, Grace asked. "So, what's stuck up your nose this time?"

"Nothing. I need your medical opinion on something." Ronnie asked as he sat down across the table from Grace.

Grace sighed & said. "As I've told you before: No, you can't milk a Cat like a Cow or Goat for it's milk, you'd seriously hurt yourself because the Cat won't let you."

"I know that. I have a question about cosmetic surgery."

Grace sighed again, this time a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you've finally decided to get that surgery we talked about last time we met."

"No. I'm still undecided about that. My Questions are about these." Ronnie said as he showed Grace a picture of Chad from his wallet & a picture of the Killer from the Police's files.

Grace studied the pic's for a minute or two. She then said. "It looks like someone is trying to copy someone else."

"What?" Jane said shocked.

"Yeah. See here, in the grainy photo, the man has a scar over his left eye & in the other It's not there." Grace said as she pointed out the scar. "Also, The facial portions are totally off. One has a wide face & the other is much smaller."

Grace handed the photos back.

"Thanks, Grace." Ronnie said.

"Sure. No Problem. I'm here most nights." She said with a laugh.

Ronnie got up & left. Jane quickly followed after.

-----------------


As Ronnie & Jane were leaving the hospital: they bumped into two people, literally. One of the members of the other party let out a sound of displeasure.

"What, Trudi?" Said the other.

"These bozo's made me spill my drink all over my new Louie Vinton dress."

"It's ok." The bleach blond said to her sister. "We can buy another one."

"But, I liked this one." The one known as Trudi said with a pout. "It matched this purse so well!"

After all this, the sisters just noticed who they bumped into.

"Hello, girls. Out for a night of clubbing?" Ronnie said.

The two sisters had this a look of horror on their faces.

"No! No! It's can't be!" The known as Jenni said. "My Therapist said you were figment of my imagination."

"Wow! Such big words for you girls & no, I'm not." Ronnie said. Then, with a laugh said "I'm real, darn it."

After a few moments of silence, Ronnie asked: "How have you two been?"

The Girls weren't in the mood for small talk.

"You keep away from us, you freak!" Trudi screamed as she rummaged around in her designer purse for her pepper spray.

"Tinkerbelle, attack!" Jenni said as she chucked her miniature dog at Ronnie. He caught the dog.

"If your going to treat your dog this way, you shouldn't have a dog." Ronnie scolded the Socialite. As he did, he petted the frightened dog.

Just then, Trudi found her pepper spray (a gift from her brother), she pulled it out to spray Ronnie. But the nozzle was pointed in the wrong direction & she sprays herself instead.

"GGGGAAAAAHHHH!"

"Just... go... away." The non maced sister said in between sobs of tears as went to comfort her sister, who was really crying hard.

Ronnie gave back the dog & walked away with Jane slightly embarrassed.

----------


A block or two away, Jane asks "Who are those people?"

"They are the Wooster Sisters, heir heads to the Wooster fortune. Chad & I were stuck in an Elevator, in fact one in Phantomhawk, for a few hours with them."

"oh." Jane replied. She now understood the adverse reaction.

"They freaked out like that when the Elevator got stuck, we tried to calm them down but they just freaked out even more. So, we stopped & spent the many hours in silence just starring at each other."

A couple blocks later, Jane asked: "Why couldn't you have been more like this when we were going out?"

"Like What?"

"Normal." Jane said after a few moments of thoughtful silence.

Ronnie looked over at Jane, she looked a little embarrassed by her reply.

"What is Normal?" Ronnie replied. There was a few moments of silence, then Ronnie continued. "Normal is the social norm. Just because Chad & I don't fit into that narrow minded view of the world, we are labeled a being weird. I'd personally rather be weird then be normal." Ronnie said with a slightly anger tone to his voice.

"Normal Sucks!" Ronnie yelled at the night sky. Jane laughed a bit.

"But, you are."

"Name one thing that makes me weird?"

"Chrismahannaqwanza." Jane said bluntly.

"True. Can you name some more?"

"The way you dress, you being a white guy with a big red afro, carrying around a hamster. I could go one if you want?"

"No, you don't have to. I get your point. The reason for most of the outward weirdness is to make life interesting." Ronnie said & then looked over at Jane "Wouldn't you rather have an interesting life then a normal, boring life?"

"Yes. But, most of what you consider having an 'interesting life' is a little annoying & sort of weird to most people?"

"Who? The Normal People?" Ronnie shot back sarcastically.

"Yes. I was embarrassed to be out on dates with you, people would stare at us."

'What do you care what they think?"

"I don't."

"But, yet you were embarrassed by what you think they thought of us."

"Yes." Jane said ashamed of herself.

She tried to avoid Ronnie's gaze. But he wouldn't let her, he moved to where he could look into her eyes. This meant Ronnie had to lay on the sidewalk. This made Jane laugh. Stuff like that made Jane remember why she started dating Ronnie.

"Get up. The ground's dirty."

"Of course it is. It's the Ground!" Ronnie said with a sly smile. Jane laughed.

They continued to walk & talk. It was probably the most 'normal' conversation she'd ever had with Ronnie. By the time, they got to Jane's apartment building, Jane had some feelings with in her rekindled, so that she thought were long gone. Ronnie said goodnight in typical Ronnie fashion & wondered of towards his own Apartment.

Once inside her own apartment, Jane thought "Oh my god. I can't believe that I'm even thinking this: I want to date Ronnie again." That thought scared her & it totally flushed months of therapy down the drain.

-----------------


A few blocks from Ronnie's Apartment, he saw in the pale moonlight & from the streetlight: two young women walking his way. They were both dressed in a style befitting Super Heroes. A thought popped into his Head "Maybe they can help me with my problem! Super Heroes are to help out the general public, it's like in their genetic makeup or in some sort of code. Maybe a code of conduct that they must all follow or die."

"Hello!" said in his most confident of voices. You need to be firm with these Heroes types. They can smell fear & chocolate from a mile away. Ronnie turned the blond in the two colored costume & asks. "Are you a real super hero?"

Ronnie has met his fair share of Super Heroes in his life & has come up with a set way of dealing with them. There are a lot of costumed nut jobs out there & most of those aren't super heroes. So, ask if they are actually Super Heroes.
    
The Blond looked at her friend, then back at Ronnie & gave him a slight nod.

"Rock on! My name is Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy. But, most people just call me Ronnie."

Mrs. Beeslyhuxtoy always told Ronnie when your meeting someone for the first time, tell them your full name & what you like to be called. Then, ask them their name if they don't reply. Also, always do this with a smile. Like most times, Ronnie over does it a bit.

The Blond was about to say something, Ronnie excited & with a big grin on his face exclaims "Who are you?"
    
"My name is Lara Night," Lara told him firmly. She was not scared of him, most women are.

Ronnie thinks for a moment & then asks quizzically. "But, what's your real name?"

In Ronnie's experience, some Super Heroes don't like to tell you their real names but some will.
    
"That is my real name," Lara replied with a slight polite smile.
    
Ronnie looked dejected for a moment, he thought she might be one of those Super Heroes. "Oh. I great it. This is a whole secret identity thing."

Lara sighed, noting that Ronnie didn't seem to understand. "No, Lara Night is my real name. I don't have an..."
    
In typical Ronnie fashion, he interrupts Lara "So you only come out a night?"

As he speaks, he rubs his chin in a thoughtful manner. "I guess that explains latter part of the name. But what does 'Lara' mean? Is it an Acronym for something? Like Laser Assisted .. R ... What starts with R?" Ronnie pauses for a moment to think. He finds a word. "Regeneration! Laser Assisted Regeneration Armor!"
    
"I told you..." Lara began, sounding a little frustrated.

Ronnie interrupts & looks over Lara. "That must be some fancy armor. It looks just like fabric."

Lara was about to correct Ronnie when He asked. "Hey! Can I have a picture with you? Just You, Me, Little Cat, and..." He paused & squinted at the other woman. Then said "Who are you & Do you know that look like a really tall swan?"
    
"Yes," She replied. "I get that sometimes."
    
"Yeah. Well, Cleone: can take a picture?" Lara said.

Lara huddles around Ronnie as Ronnie puts Little Cat on the Super Hero's shoulder. Ronnie did try to get that green jellybean for the hamster, but he wouldn't have it. Cleone stood in front of them. The stood their for a few minutes & then Lara asked an important question. "Ronnie, where's the camera?"

Ronnie looked at Lara & said "I thought you had one. Don't you guys carry them around with you. Be prepared is your motto, right?"

"No. That's the Boy Scouts." Lara said, with some anger in her voice, as she handed Little Cat back to his owner. "Look, the big swan and I have to go somewhere. Stay safe out here, okay?"

Lara turned away from Ronnie & she motioned for Cleone that they were leaving.

About half a block later, Ronnie called out "Wait!"

Lara & Cleone stopped but didn't turn around.
    
"I need your help & you might be my only hope." Ronnie said as he ran over to them.

Lara turned around and faced him again. "What's wrong?" she asked, unsure if she'd regret asking.
    
"Well, I know you only have until daybreak..." Ronnie began.
    
Lara clenched her teeth gently but didn't speak a word this time, she found it was pointless to correct him.
    
"...but I'm trying to get my best friend, Chad, out of jail. He's been arrested for murder that he didn't do it, even if the evidence says otherwise."
    
"Oh, well you don't need me," Lara reassured herself & him, "You just need a good lawyer or detective. Or both, in fact. Fortunately I happened to know both, maybe I can send one here."
    
"Can't you just smash a car through the police station, shoot everyone with your L.A.R.A, a nice stun laser should work fine, and break Chad out of jail?" Ronnie asked hopefully. That plan has worked before, why can't it work again?
    
"No, I don't do that," Lara explained. "It would be wrong & going all Terminator just isn't my style."
    
"Does he only go out at night too?" Ronnie said making a mental note of the name for later. If this hero can't help maybe that one could.

Lara sighed again & said "Ronnie."

"Yes."

"The person I know that could possibly help you is a detective named Shiro, she's in the phone book. Ok?"

"Yeah. But..." Ronnie said, a little pale looking.

"But, what?"

"I don't have a phone book. One morning some mystery person had left this heavy bag on my doorstep. In the world we currently live in you've got to be careful with those mystery packages. So, Chad & Me took all these mystery bags, someone had given these to our neighbors, too. We took them to our Apartment Buildings' roof & blew the packages sky high." Ronnie said with a manic laugh. "It wasn't tell afterward did we find out they were just phone books. Oops!"

"I'm sure one of the local shops around here will let you look in their phone book..." Lara began.
    
Ronnie interrupted. "I've been banned from pretty much all the local shops & I think a lot of the stores out of town, too."
    
"Directory assistance?" Lara asked. "411? Try that maybe?"
    
"I don't have a phone," Ronnie admitted. "It tried to kill Me & the entire East Coast, so it had to die."
    
Lara clenched her teeth gently and took a deep, calming breath. "Okay, I'll send Yuki here, then. She'll be the only woman with real purple hair and a leather jacket on your block. Easy to spot."

"Sure." Ronnie sat down on the front steps of a building and fed Little Cat another jellybean, it was blue. "I'll wait right here."

Lara & Cleone began to walk away again, but paused as she thought the better of it. She thought "That poor soul might actually sit there and wait as long as it takes, and he could be mugged or killed while doing so."

Lara walked back & said. "Do me a favor?"

"Sure. Anything for L.A.R.A Night!" Ronnie said with a smile & popping up from the stoup.

"Wait at home, would you?" She thought for a moment and added something she thought was a pretty intelligent hook. "Little Cat might be more comfortable there."

"Sure. If this Shiro needs my Address, it's in the Phone Book. At least, I think it is." Ronnie said with laugh.

They parted ways. As She walked, Ronnie said "Good luck & don't worry, I won't tell anyone your real name."
    
Lara squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then shook her head as she & Cleone walked away.

-----------------


Ronnie got home, put Little Cat back in his cage. Ronnie took his coat off & sat down on the couch, he flipped on the TV. On the screen at the moment was a commercial for a Hommer Shlemmer Accordion Deluxe 5000. Tears in Ronnie's eyes began to well up. He stood up defiantly & said. "As Crod as my witness, Chadwick L. Swiss will be a free man!"

-----------------


TO BE CONTINUED....


The next part will most likely be the conclusion of the Chad & Ronnie Murder Mystery. Has anyone figure it out yet? If you have, that means that your either been told what the ending going to be, are Scott Bryan or can read my mind. If not, that's Amazing!

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Footnotes:

-Chad & Ronnie first met Grace O'Mercy in my entry to the Night Nurse series, my entry can be read here.
-Chad & Ronnie got stuck in the Phantomhawk Hospital elevator with the Wooster Sisters in an early issue of Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses. CoIP is written by Scott. The Wooster Sisters are the sister of Micheal Wooster, who is also known as Alcheman, he stars in his own self titled series which is written by Killer Shrike.
-The first time Ronnie & Jane met has be chronicled in the story called How Chad & Ronnie met Jane. You can read that story here.
-Chrismahannaqwanza is the winter holiday that Chad & Ronnie celebrate. With what has been revealed it appears to be an amalgam of most of the other winter holidays.
-The Ronnie/Lara Night/Cleone meeting is a slightly reworked version of the same meeting from Adventures In Parodyverse: The Awakening Part 3. This story was written by Jason, I hope didn't mind my "borrowing" the scene.


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